how to chop onions

This is a fine, elegant procedure. It's more a happening. I like onions okay but the chopping of them is pure romanticism. Best to go with a yellow or red, rather than white. Green are great too but those are much different and more in tune with cutting celery or carrots. So you take said onion. Don't try that quicky cubicle stuff where you cut lengthwise and cut the other way and then chop down, forming diced onions. Peel whatever needs peeled. I usually peel another one or two layers beyond that, but that's just me, I'm special in ways only a mother appreciates. Then off with it's head, if there is one. And be sure to have a nice knife. And a nice plain plate and clean hands and patience and solitude. Bring the knife down in a cutting motion, not chopping. The onion has layers. Respect those layers. Ease into it, without chopping. Cut it fine and thin. After you have three or four slices, cut those in halfsies. Turn plate one-quarter turn and begin cutting in tiny little pizza crescents. The size depends on the dish being prepared. Continue prior steps until done. Lather, rinse, repeat.

how to get stuff you want

This one I dig. You know the easiest way to get something you want? Take it. I'm not talking stealing really, though I'm not not saying it either. But just take it. Fine line between theft and oops?! Just take it.

A great line in a great play/film - I'm paraphrasing here:
Lee: Now all I wanna do is borrow your car.
Austin: No!
Lee: Then I'll just take the damn thing.

See, it's not really stealing, it's taking. I admit, I can't tell the difference, but I know there is one.

Another way is the more common, more civil approach, which is simply asking. Mama always said you don't get what you don't ask for. She also made me often fear the sky might fall though. But it's partially true. "Can I have a little more butter in my popcorn", "Can I have fresh fries, not those sitting under the heat lamp the past two hours since it's 3:00 in the afternoon", "can't you swallow just this once", etc. It's going to work at a reasonable rate - just ask.

Another way is manipulation. Tricking people into giving you what you want. You can use a bunch of ten dollar words and talk quickly and sound like you know what you're talking about, make it sound like you're smarter than them and are just giving them a break. That works if you play it right.

So, there's a few of the many ways to get what you want. More to come.

how to fail

This is a simple one. How to fail? Do nothing. Seriously. It is simple but not as simple as it sounds. You have that little lingering voice in your head - the one in white, telling you to feed and feel and comfort and be good - and to generally do something.

Ignore that voice.

That voice is the voice trying to snuff out failure. So ignore it, and do nothing. Do nothing. How to fail at cleaning a room? Don't do it. How to fail at losing weight? Do not do it.

We'll go in depth later of different types and genres of failure, but this is a simple one. It's really pretty simple to fail. Only not really.

potential new format - how to...

Today I'm going to switch gears a bit. And this is my space so I'll do it without hesitation, so to speak. I'm going to begin a series of "how to's". A series of quick and dirty manuals for better living. Exploratory titles might include: how to get fired, how to get laid, how to cheat on a test, how to make a banana and cheese sandwich. All worthless bits of information sure, but I'd like to do my part. It is the little things that get us by. This is what happens, Larry.

the wheel

Found this great singer/songwriter.

Here's a video tracked down - seems the song was in a trailer to a recent indie film.

and the same song, performed live here.